Golzar

Challenges in life...how do we handle them?
You might have noticed me, Golzar, being very positive and energetic or social lately. Well Im gonna tell you, the last two or even three years havent been like that at all.


Before I move on, telling you one of the most personal things I have ever posted to the public, I want to say dont mind the spelling and grammar; cuz I assure u there will be errors. I dont & couldn’t care less right now.

Anyhow, as I was saying... This is going to be veeeery very long. I dont do this to make myself look like a big deal to the world. Then WHY am I posting this up? Ive had some rough times, Ive been down and gone through things that have made me who I am today. If only one person in the whole world reads this and gets even a little inspired, I will be glad.
I am brutally honest about everything I say. No matter what it is about. I don’t want it any other way. If you are a hater, no need to read this. If you still wanna read and hate, go ahead. You’ll just be another person I-don’t-give-a-shit-about.

Back to the topic… How did it all start? Im pretty sure it started with me having:
Pretty damn high expectations on myself.

Frankly, its been mostly about me and achieving things. And a lot of times it has been about grades.
As you might know, high school in Sweden normally is for three years.
My three years in high school was all about… getting the highest grade. Not about friends. And not so much about having fun either. First of all I just want to say that I don’t regret anything! However, Ive learnt from my mistakes.

When you are sooo focused on getting something you want, you tend to forget about what really should be the most important thing in life…
Your family
Your friends
Your health
Your passion for life

That is what happened to me. Im not saying it was good that I let the most valuable things in my life get in the shadow of me achieving things, because I know it was faar from good.
I graduated with excellent grades. But I also graduated with an excellently sad soul.

I had good grades, lots of MVG’s… and I had worked hard for them. But at that time, they weren’t enough to get me where I wanted. I had applied to university and the programme I wanted to study.
What happened? It was autumn 2009, after I had graduated - I didn’t get in. My whole world crushed down on me. It was tough. Dark. Not a very good place.

But time passed…
Since Im not a quitter, I applied again for the new semester. It takes some time til you get the answer; wheather you have made it and got into what you want to study.
Time passed…
I was still unhappy but I had my loved ones by my side. And I thank them deeply for being so patient with me during that time. I slowly started to live again. To breathe. I learnt what really should matter in life. I didn’t give up on my dream, but at the same time while I was waiting for the answer from university... I did not expect a lot and so I began to search for other ways to get where I wanted in life.

Then that day came. I was at home in Gothenburg doing some yoga in the morning. Everything was normal. All of the sudden I got that call… A call from Uppsala. I was called and asked if I was interested of starting in juristprogrammet in Uppsala! It didn’t take a second, and I thought to myself: Are you crazy?! is that even a question?!! HELL YEAH I WANTED TO START.

Nothing else mattered. I just did it. I said yes to my dream.
What did that mean to me by then?
It meant moving away from my family and loved ones.
It meant I would move to a city I had never been to,
all by myself. There were a lot of changes taking place.

I moved. IT WASN’T EASY. I cried out of frustration, a lot... if not almost all the time. Since I really had not expected to get into Uppsala University - the oldest university in Scandinavia... also listed as one of the Top universities in the world, I had not searched for accommodation. I had no place to stay and I hated Uppsala.


Luckily, my sister helped me find this wonderful hostel in central Uppsala.
I lived in that hostel for three weeks, where the conditions really weren’t made for studying. Me, hating Uppsala, didn’t help much with focusing on the studies either. In the hostel, I lived in a so called “girls room”. In a tiny little room which could be shared by four guests at the time. Since the room was so little… in addition that I couldn’t expect the other guests (most of them tourists from all over the world) to keep it quiet,


I used to sit in the hostels kitchen late at night and study. Uppsala is filled with libraries, but sitting in a library with the way I felt at that time was the least thing I wanted to do.
I am a person who needs my personal space at times; wherever I am, I am going need some time alone. Thus, I was uncomfortable. But thanks to the lovely host in the hostel (I will never forget you Rusudan ♥), and the wonderful people who stayed in the hostel (Especially my lovely friends Shabnam and Meral ♥) – thanks to them, and thanks to my beloved Family ♥ (who I called ALL the time) I made it through.

While I was studying, which by the way was pretty impossible when I was sad, I searched for accommodation - day and night. I went and saw different rooms to show my interest, but the rooms were always given to someone else in the end. If you only knew how devastating that was! Finally I found a place through blocket.se. There was this nice Iranian woman who wanted to rent a room in her house. And since she felt she could trust me, she let me move in. She was really nice to me and I was happy to be able to have a room by myself. But I was still sad and I still didn’t like Uppsala. I lived in the lady’s house for about a month, until I was offered a student-dorm room!

Getting that room meant SO MUCH to me. Now I could actually feel that I was independent. I finally had a place that was MINE. Studying was still not easy-peasy. I was not used to the pace of university studies, and everything about the things we studied was new to me. I didn’t really make an effort to get new friends at school either, so I spent most of my time alone. That wasn’t good, but slowly (perhaps a little too late) I started to realize I needed to change the way I handled my situation.

I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. Stop feeling sorry for myself for being alone or sad. Because the only reason why I was alone or sad was me acting like how I was used to do; keeping me to myself. It was hard for me to realize my bad habits, but I needed to do it.

I needed to change myself, before other things could change around me.
I needed to become positive, in order for my life to become positive.
I needed to become thankful.

There was this revolution taking place within me. Many times in my life, I have noticed how I deal with these “revolutions inside”. At first things are difficult, and I get unhappy or uncomfortable. I break myself down, only to rise up again. Stronger than what I was before.

Even if I rather had stayed in Gothenburg, close to everyone and everything I love –
I NEVER regret moving away. Why? Because obviously, moving away from all the comfort and everything I had gotten used to was what I needed – to grow up and to develop.
I would not change that. Ever.

In fact I will keep on doing that for the rest of my life. Because I believe that challenges and harsh times in life is what makes us beautiful. It makes us who we are. Without moving away from home, I would never had become the way I am today.

I learnt to be more open to life. And to be more open to new people and new things in life. I don’t believe that I am perfect or better than someone else, if I would believe such a thing I would probably hate myself.

I moved to Uppsala 1st of February 2010; It was the worst time of my life, but at the same time the best thing I could ever have done.

One thing I really want to stress is that motivation is great. Being focused is good, but while being it, please try not to lose it!

The coldest winter in my life, turned out in the best summer I have ever had.
So trust me, if you keep a smile on your face and never give up - you will get anything you want in life. Please - whoever you are, believe in yourself, and please don’t care about what other people think about you.

Challenges in life… even if I might not feel great when I face them
I will never stop loving them.